In a year that's been hard for the whole world, it's been hard to see any purpose. To be honest... It feels like this year has been three. I was just reflecting on this year and scrolling through my photos, and I seriously thought twice, "That happened in 2020?! That was a lifetime ago". January-February I spent hopeful that somehow, someway, something could work out and we'd stay in SC. March-July were so uncertain and stressful, and we just hoped we'd be able to find a home in VA and be done with it all... And then August-October were just as bad as I'd hoped they wouldn't be, with more thrown at us than I'd thought to worry about. I remember standing in the kitchen on October 14th (specific, yes 😂) and just having a complete breakdown, and I knew something was going to have to change. I've had to be honest and raw with myself and others in ways I have avoided from sheer stubborn idealism and fear over the past several months. I've had to admit I can't be the one who has it all together, and while I wish I could be 14 again and at least feel like I had the potential to be, I'm going to guess that's never going to happen... And that's okay, because it means I have to trust God to work through me instead. I've had to give up some things, and other things are being changed.
But since October, as I've spent a lot of time in deep consideration, one thing I'm becoming convinced of. 2020 was not for nothing. God is working. I don't see everything that's being played out, but I can see how some of it has been used. I've seen how some of this might be used in the future. And my heart is slowly wrapping around the head truth that God has a purpose for everything he ordains.
2020 is going to leave us with two more precious members of the family, since we welcomed my cousin Kali, the first baby girl in the family in almost 10 years!!!, and our wonderful, family tie breaker, "solid 10 out of 10" brother, Philip. Honestly, any year would have been worth the safe arrival of these two people 💕.
While I've felt like all of my hopes to get where I think I'm being called to serve have met roadblocks and discouragement at every turn, especially through the past year, I've found a promising lead that I'm going to be able to look into over the next couple of months, and 2020 also turned out to be the year that my writing was first officially published and sent out in physical form to people I'll never know in the recently started Anchored magazine, and that's a very real first step to something I have pursued for years!
I had the privilege of finding two little kittens a home this year. And while I might have wanted nothing more than to keep the second in my own home, I'm so very thankful for how everything worked out and how God used Merci and "Miss Grace" (forever Raspberry in my heart) to plant little seeds in mine and others hearts that I pray will bear fruit for many years to come.
We were provided with a home here in VA, and we're all together again this holiday season. No matter the down sides, the fact that God had planned it all - four years before, when He crossed our paths with the church friends who ultimately found this home we now reside in for us - was something amazingly obvious.
We brought home Mango, and it's been the best thing for Misty... And me. In all the pain September held, you couldn't have prepared me for the comfort I'd get from my little green "baby" bird, when I wasn't even sure I wanted him.
I was blessed this year to meet in person for the first time my penpal/dear friend, Alyssa! She lives in FL, and I lived in SC... But it took me moving to VA to finally work out a visit, haha. She has been a constant in this journey of upheaval, and so sympathetic and encouraging, so getting to sit and talk face to face was a joy! And I was blessed to truly solidify some precious, precious friendships this year. Moving and being so far away from everyone has only made me more intentional to find ways to stay in contact. It's been a year of reconciliation and deepening of relationships, of realizing how important gospel-centered hospitality is to me, of seeing how much I value gospel-centered vulnerability. I have been forced to take the time to reflect on things that I have conveniantly avoided in the busyness of life for too long. I have found comfort in not being able to be the strong person, and, instead, seeing others step up and uphold me with truth. Pour life into everyone you meet. But find the people you can trust to pour life into you, and cherish them so, so hard.
I was able to advocate for Quincey, one of the orphans on Reece's Rainbow Christmas Campaign this year, AND see my little sister join me by advocating for Bruno! We had an amazing year. So many people shared and donated and prayed and helped. Some of the children were found by their families. So many children made it PAST their goal! And *all* of the children made it at least to goal this morning before we had a chance to wonder if it would happen today - something never done in the past, that left us advocates asking each other at 9:30 in he morning, "well... what do we do without our annual New Year's Eve wrap up party tonight?!" 😂❤️
If 2020 has taught me one thing, it's not to wait until the perfect moment... Don't punish yourself because God's path is different than your plan. Pour yourself into gratefully and joyfully living life here, where you are, because nothing is guaranteed, and there is no better place than here to find something to smile about. Care for plants, drink some tea, snuggle down with a baby, learn how to make bread, start that project you've always wanted to do, even if you don't have time to finish it... You'll be that much closer to the finish line. Don't wait for an hour block of time to make a phone call that never happens, give that loved one a 15 minute phone call instead, whenever you can, and it turns out to be more in the long run. Burn your candles you've saved for a "cozy moment" and make one. Buy that special paper for your Christmas gifts, don't wait for next year in case things might be more fairy-tale like. Take twice as long on a bible study as you "should", if that's the only way you get to it at all. Don't let your ideals of doing everything keep you from doing anything. Live life where God has placed you to the very fullest.
I pray you each have a joyful 2021! And I pray you see the good in 2020, even though it hurt.
Rejoicing in Christ and with love to each of you,
Ambrielle ❤️
