It's been a week of anniversaries I really didn't want to think about, especially realizing just how many more there are going to be in the next 7 weeks, and I've perused my photo memories and my Instagram posts from last summer as I contemplated how I felt about it all.
Saying goodbye to our best friends.
Last baking done in our old kitchen.
Last meal at the table in our old home.
Saying goodbye to home.
Those unwitting last weeks with my bird.
Those last hopes that all seemed to whither and crumble faster, the harder I tried to hold things under control.
I looked at my pictures, thought about the rollercoaster, decided I hate the idea of celebrating my birthday this year, and I posted this on my Instagram about the wildly swinging emotions and events that we've been through the past year...
"Seasons change, and time moves on, and lessons are learned, and still, life swings, back and forth. Sometimes slower, sometimes wider. But never quite stopping in the middle.
This world is broken. God heals.
This life is dark. Christ brings light.
Pain is a result of sin. Joy is a result of grace.
We grieve. Because we love.
All a constant reminder:
This is not our home, where we are estranged from our Creator.
But we have not been left estranged, for He delights to give His children what we could not bring about.
Never sitting in the middle. Either one with the world, or one with Christ.
With one blessed difference; when our souls are claimed by Christ, He holds us to Himself. We don't count on our nature, our naturally swinging chain, to keep us there; He acts upon our nature, and we are secure because *He* will hold us fast."
Today marks the one year anniversary of our arriving in Virginia. And as I drove home from work, it weighed on my heart.
I didn't really plan on going down to the river, but I made a last minute decision when I reached our driveway, to keep going. I've always found a quiet, breezy place outdoors the best spot to just have my cry and get it over with.
Just to go soak up the beauty God had placed around us, and pray.
For what? That we would be taken back to South Carolina? That this coming year would be easier?
In truth, yes.
But as I came before the throne of the One who knows the beginning of my life and it's end, I realized I felt less pain than I expected, and most of the unfulfilled desires I did have, had nothing to do with where we lived... And, in fact, I found myself giving words to feelings of genuine gratefulness for things we've been given since that move.
That He had sustained us through so much.
For the little man He added to our family at the perfect time... so much of our joy through all this has come from watching him grow.
For foraging even deeper friendships, when I was afraid I'd lose them.
For reconciliation in situations I didn't expect.
For the little girl I watch.
For countless other things.
Yes, I cried tears today.
But they were nothing like the tears I shed a year ago.
For in the dark contrast of the past year, some brilliant stars have been granted us by the Lord's hand.
"In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley's where Your power is revealed."
-In the Valley
Rejoicing in Christ,
Ambrielle
