Wednesday, April 1, 2026

To some, it was just a lemonade


It's one of those days. It's one of those weeks... truly, it's feeling like one of those years. 

I woke up more tired than when I went to bed - and that wasn't surprising, given the fact that my mind can't stop racing and I've had the worst time trying to sleep for weeks now.

I've been dealing with grief, unknowns, and health "nuisances". And some of these things I've been in the midst of for years. But the length they have drug out and the fact that some just continue to get worse, have been bringing a weight to my spirit lately.

As I woke up, I realized just how exhausted I must have been when my brain finally crashed - evidenced by the fact that, after fighting to quiet my brain for an hour, I finally went to sleep so quickly that from the time I realized I would be able to sleep, and put down my book, to the time I went to sleep, I didn't even have time to take off my glasses. And yet here it was an hour before my alarm was going to go off, and my brain was up racing again. It feels like it doesn't even end in my sleep; my worries play out in my dreams. 

I thank God so often for sending me a dog I wasn't looking for and didn't plan on keeping. She's got separation anxiety and PTSD, and she has a need to be near me to be the best version of herself, but she's made huge strides in our four years together. Now, some days, I think the script has flipped. God sent her my way so that I could heal her; so that He could use *her* for *me* now. She still needs to know where I am nowadays, but she doesn't always have to be right by my side anymore. She knows I'm not okay right now, though, and is showing it by being clingy... following me more while awake, full out laying on me at night instead of just touching me with one little paw like her normal. Like she's pretending to need me so I don't feel guilty for needing comfort. I woke up to her chin on my knee, and she didn't even move over when I stirred, to avoid being disturbed again. I knew what job she was taking on, and I was grateful, even as the weight rushed back in, coming with a feeling of defeat that already the day was too much and I hadn't even started it.

I left the house feeling anxious and sad. 

And you know what? God must have decided that I needed some encouragement. A reminder that even when life is hard, He still sends joy and peace and kindness and hope. 

Worship this morning at the school was what my heart needed. 

The message from one of my coworkers during chapel was what my heart needed. 

Hearing praise offered to someone near and dear to my heart, who does not hear enough of it, and the smile it brought to their face, was what my heart needed. 

And by the time I stopped at our local coffee company, and an individual in line ahead of me insisted that everyone in line was getting treated to their drinks today, I had to decide, sipping on the lemonade I didn't pay for, that none of this was coincidental to the day. 

I truly believe that God gives us more than we can handle, but not more than He can handle. And because He can handle more than we ever receive, He is able to provide not just survival, but sustenance and abundance in the trials. 

I'm still sad. I'm still anxious. 

But I'm also grateful. More peaceful. And confident that this too is just a season, and if the Lord cares enough to provide through others small, unlooked for comforts, even ones I could have "provided for myself", He will not withhold any other that I need, when the time is right, even if the wait is long and heavy. It doesn't change my reality, but it does change how fatal it feels. 

It reminds me of those two little words in Ephesians that change the whole narrative... 

"But God". 

The brokenness of the world may weight upon our hearts... But God is bigger than it all. 

<3

Friday, September 1, 2023

It's Been a While

We are in the throes of moving… my family to South Carolina, and myself, down the road. The house is a mess, and we're all exhausted. I've had a lot of thoughts swirling in all kinds of directions - logistical and emotional. How to say "goodbye" and yet still hold on tight, because I could never truly say goodbye to any of my family; how to best care for my people, when I may not be around them.

If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have told you I couldn't see myself moving out of the family home any time soon. In fact, I did; I told countless people that I was going to stay where I was, "unless my family makes it back home (SC), or I start my own family". I meant it. I guess I never expected to end up with two homes. I think I "knew" saying goodbye would be hard, but just "knew" I'd do it anyway. I mean, I've been offered a home or two the past two times my family has moved states. I turned all three down. I always expected to do the same if this ever happened again.

One of those offers came the first time we left VA to go back to SC. I don't know if she remembers, but Ms Karen asked if I wanted to stay, with her and her beautiful Mamma, Ms Lillian. I don't know if it's because I've decided to stay in VA this time, or if it's because, when we said goodbye to VA last time, we got the news just short months later that Ms Lillian passed away the September after we left, and I always think of her a lot this time of year, or if it's some other things going on. But I've been thinking about Ms Lillian a lot, the past while.

I've said it before; to know Ms Lillian was to know that you were loved. She didn't just love people as a group, in an extroverted way - she loved *individuals* - deeply. You weren't just a person to her, you felt seen and heard the instant she looked at you and asked how you were. And she didn't just love "certain" individuals, either - that deep heart was for *everyone*, simply because God made them, and that made them worth loving. I don't know of a single person who didn't know Ms Lillian loved them - even if some of us knew a little more. In a time in my life when I was struggling (how I wish I had those smaller struggles nowadays, instead, lol), knowing that Ms Lillian loved me, personally, and not just because she loved our whole family, was such a gift. And there wasn't much that a hug from her couldn't at least help; I looked forward to that Sunday morning hug all week. Her daughter gave me one of her nightgowns when she passed away, and told me to make a pillow out of it. It's one of my favorite things, now. I never go overnight anywhere without that pillow and the fleece blanket my Mama gave me. After a bad day, it feels like I'm getting their hugs as I cry, and even on a good day, I don't feel like I can settle until I've felt the comfort of the familiar that they bring.

I cried when I learned Ms Lillian was gone. I knew, when I told her goodbye, that it was probably goodbye for the last time. She had gotten so frail… she insisted I sit right beside her the whole afternoon. While I do feel like I was wise enough to cherish it in the moment, I still wish it had been longer, knowing now that it was the last time. I still cry now. And that's okay. I think she was one of the top four most influential women in my life, and it's hard to lose someone who means so much to you, even if it is just for a short time. How grateful I am to know I'll stand with her in heaven one day! Goodbyes do not have to be the end, whether we will see each other again in days, years, or in eternity.

I don't know what the purpose of these midnight rambles are, exactly. Maybe just to say that home is not always one certain place… it's wherever you know that God has a purpose for you, and you feel safe and loved, even if that isn't where you may have expected it to be. And in my heart, I've known for a couple years now that I did have two "homes", in SC and VA - because that's where I find joy in the people God has placed me with. I just didn't expect it to so suddenly be so obvious that they both were home, as my family is in one state, and my life is in another, and "my people" are scattered all between. As my dad told me the other evening as I cried about telling my family goodbye; to stay or go - neither choice was wrong. But that doesn't make this change any easier. On the other hand… leaving wouldn't be easy, either. And never before has God given me a peace about staying, as my family moves on; and I believe that is His way of telling me that, whether I expected it or not, this time, this is right. I'll find comfort in that in the weeks ahead, and comfort in knowing that home can be anywhere, and multiple somewheres, all at once.

🙂❤️,

Bri

Friday, December 24, 2021

Whatever You Do for the Least of These

 Little Alivia.

"She has FAS and epilepsy and resides at the orphanage in Eastern Europe. Alivia is an affectionate girl who loves to hug and kiss the staff. She is soft spoken and initially with new people she will observe quietly but then she is not shy and initiates conversation with people she knows. She loves singing, acting, and dancing. She also loves to draw and listen to stories. Alivia’s psychological evaluation report indicates that she has developmental delays.  She can be easily distracted but is easily redirected with reminders."

https://reecesrainbow.org/childgrant/alivia

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An epilepsy diagnosis, just like the little girl I watch.

A name so similar to my best friend's.

Six years old.

Orphaned.

All alone for Christmas.

But still wearing a bright smile.

-----

We're trying to raise $1,000 for each of the babes on the Miracles of Adoption Christmas Campaign angel tree by January 1st. Praying that this is the last year these kids will spend as orphans. Sharing their pictures so that their family might see their face and come to rescue them.

Will you help us? Pray. Share. Give. Whatever way you can help give them a chance, would you set aside just two minutes, maybe 5 dollars, whatever it is, to help one of these children? And thank you, from the bottom of my heart!!!

https://static.reecesrainbow.org/macc/

Rejoicing in Christ,

Ambrielle

Saturday, December 18, 2021

Alivia


https://reecesrainbow.org/childgrant/alivia

Life has been busy since I last checked in. My work schedule is just starting to slow down a bit, and now we are in the Christmas season. I'm loving life, but I wish I had about two more hours in my day.

One of the things I've really let fall to the way side is advocating for this little girl.

I've participated in the Miracle of Adoption Christmas Campaign for a few years now. I struggled over whether to advocate this year, because I knew that I was strapped for time, but I didn't want to give up on these babies. I signed up.

I usually choose a little one to advocate for by looking on the list of kids that are most likely to be passed over. But this year, I decided to advocate for Alivia for a very special reason... This little girl has epilepsy.

------

The little girl I care give for has epilepsy.

It can be scary. We've had to rescue her at school twice in as many weeks. Her family has had to completely change so much about their lives to give her the best life possible. 

But she is so vibrant. So full of joy. Her presence in my life brings me so much delight.

I'm so glad her parents took a chance bringing home a child with a diagnosis that might have scared off others. I want that for Alivia.

-----

I want her family to find her. I want her to find that vibrant and joyful life. I want her family and those around her to find that delight in her presence.

But I've been failing her. It's true that I was strapped for time, and I've not shared my little girl here. I've barely done any advocating for her.

But she's on the angel tree, and so many generous people have pulled together to bring up her account, even as I have had no time to fundraise for her. Her account has $510 more in it than it would if she wasn't on the tree this year. A good sum to help with her adoption paper work - a huge relief to the shoulders of her future family. But our goal is to get ALL of these babes on the tree to at least $1,000. We don't want a need for money to be the one thing holding the families of these babies back. Each one deserves a family. Love. Proper care. Someone to teach them what adoption means. A beautiful picture of the gospel. 

If you can spare even 5 dollars this Christmas, would you consider giving it to one of these children? Maybe Alivia. 

And whether you can help monetarily or not... will you choose one baby from the list to pray for and share on one of your social media platforms *right now*? The more people see and share their sweet faces, the sooner they find their home. And that makes a lasting difference!

https://static.reecesrainbow.org/macc/

Rejoicing in the gospel,

Ambrielle

Monday, September 20, 2021

A week in my life, Friday-Sunday

 -Friday-

As I head out the door, I remind myself, I can make it one more day, since I can sleep in tomorrow ;). This day was nowhere near as productive as I would have hoped, but I know I can pick up the extra projects tomorrow, and accomplish it in half the time it would take me today. I head in to early care; one of the teachers and I joke that as the week is progressing, everyone is arriving closer and closer to the last minute, and all of the staff who ends up early with nothing to do enjoys a little chat in the hallway before the 'masses shrike'.

Every morning at the school starts with chapel time, and on Fridays, a couple of local pastors lead worship and devotions. Today is especially sweet, as almost half the kids end up in the front of the room, praying with and for each other after the message... there were some tears, and plenty of gratefulness for how the Lord is using this ministry at the school. Most of these kids are only coming here because of the local public school's mandates concerning covid, but to have them hearing the gospel every day - some of them for the first time - just because of covid, has made each of the teachers realize that this isn't an opportunity to squander. It's a wonderful start to an otherwise normal Friday. It's a short day for some of the kids, but the boys are taking an elective, and they are working on a pretty taxing assignment, but they accomplish it with flying colors, and the day is really productive, despite it being the "last day of the week that makes it so hard to focus". We finish out the week's work, and I make some worksheets for areas we want to focus on next week.

I make a phone call, because I missed a call with some exciting news from a friend while I was at work! I get home and read to the little guys, then sit down with Mama, Tori, Bethani and Andrew to watch a show. We're re-watching When Calls the Heart, since Bethi and Andrew have never seen it, and my mom and I can't stop complaining that THIS is why we *used* to like the show, why'd they have to change it so much the past few seasons?! Philip is just as entertaining as the show, though... he's walking around and around the room, finally having realized that he can make that choice (he's been able to walk the past few weeks, but refused to do so if he realized he'd let go of all crutches), and he stands up from sitting without any help! He's so proud of himself, and it's precious. He uses his new found skill to get all the attention and popcorn he could desire ;).

I really don't accomplish too much the rest of the afternoon, just the barest daily necessities, but it's relaxing just to know that that's okay, because I have all day tomorrow, and a slow morning on Sunday. This is the first time in my life weekends have actually meant something, and it feels a little odd, haha. When I was in school, I would do catch-up lessons on the weekend, unless we had something busier planned; at CFA I worked Saturdays, and over the past year I have, too. I was reluctant to give up my Saturdays with Little Girl, but I also knew I didn't want to bite off more than I could chew, and tonight I'm grateful for that decision made when I was thinking logically, not emotionally. Abbi and I randomly wind up trying to learn how to "whistle loud" - we're both miserable failures at it so far, the youtube video did no good helping with that goal she expressed, haha. But I'm realizing my weekends are becoming a little odd with the things I find myself researching... last Saturday it was how to tie a bowline with Andrew. Completely normal questions you ask each other when you're home and relaxing... lol!

Supper is nice and easy from the crockpot - especially since Andrew did what little work there was ;) - and then evening chores are done pretty quickly. I get a chance to sit down and do my devotions, work on some writing, and read a few pages in my current read, "Speak Truth in Your Heart" which I haven't had the time for all week, and have been aching to get to, because I am so. close. to finishing this book. I have been working on it for literal years. It's a good book!!! But it's got a lot of suggested studies and research in it, and the focus that takes, makes it harder to fit into nooks and crannies for me. I would let it slip for so long, I'd feel I needed to review before I moved on, and then I'd wind up busy again by the time I'd reviewed... who knows how many times I read the first four chapters, haha. I made the decision this year to not review, and just FINISH it. I'm so close now! Daddy arrives home, and we gather for devotions and head to bed.

-Saturday-

I slept in today, and it's amazing what sleep can do for a person. I like to do my devotions earlier in the day on the weekends, since that's when I find it quietest and least "demanding" those days, and so I do that first thing this morning. We have a late breakfast, and then I sit down to finish my book. That's an absolute feeling of accomplishment right there, haha! Daddy is going in late today, so we all take a slow morning, which is so nice.

After Daddy leaves, Mama gets the little guys into the kitchen to help her make some teddy bear bread. We missed teddy bear picnic day this year, so we made our own! Philip is toddling ALL over the house; now that he knows he can, there will be no stopping him. When Mama offers samples of the bread fresh out of the oven, he holds out his hand expectantly to ask for his own sample... he feels just like one of the big people now!

I do some graphic design and writing, and take care of all the plants, my favorite Saturday chore. My "rescue plant" from Walmart a few months ago is going strong... that and my SC succulent are my plant "babies", lol. Bethani has a couple succulents that had root rot that she offered me, because she knows if I can bring them back, I'll be very happy, and if I don't, she wasn't sure how either, so I do a whole lot of cutting and add them to a group I'm attempting to propagate. I'm not overly optimistic, since they were so far gone, but it's worth a try. I also refill the flower vase on my bedside table, because my hydrangea bloom from two months ago refuses to die, although it is getting less blue and more green as it's sitting there, I'm assuming from losing acidity. I don't really want to throw it out, but there's a real cute pink and green one outside right now that I kind of want, haha...

We take a tromp through the woods (a.k.a., "go on a bear hunt"), and let the little ones play outside. Mama and Tori finish lunch, while I sit with Philip on the glider. He absolutely loves it, and stays there for forever, even when it starts to put him to sleep and he wants to lay down on my lap. We have our teddy bear picnic and some play time. Some of the younger ones play "splash potato" - it was highly entertaining! Everyone else heads in for showers, but I stay outside a bit longer to clean out my van, because, what if the guy who programs the key to my car thinks all that dirt is because I'm a slob, and not because I live in the backwoods of nowhere? I shouldn't have let my pride determine my actions, because I tripped on some equipment while carrying the shopvac, and caught myself with my bad wrist, which is now bruised and swollen halfway up the palm and thumb. Oh well, my car is nice and clean... for a couple weeks.

I clean my bedroom and do some vacuuming, but decide that I'm going to have to skip mopping the floors this week. We finish out our teddy bear picnic day by watching "Paddington Bear" with popcorn and gummy bears, and Daddy comes home just in time to do family devotions before everyone scatters.

-Sunday-

There's not a whole lot to report on Sunday. I woke up early quite by accident (early mornings are becoming a habit, which proves how tired I was Friday night, that I slept in Saturday, lol), and so I do my devotions and read up on "easy plant propagation" until the rest of the family wakes up and Isaac comes and snuggles me for a few minutes. I quickly run through my morning routine - let the birds up, dress for the day, make my bed and some tea - and then we sit down to the breakfast Andrew made the night before and Covenant Baptist Church's livestream. It is a very bittersweet day, as we finish out the book of John. This has been the main sermon series since (before) the very first Sunday we attended Covenant, and Mama and I both bemoan and lament when we hear the news of it ending. It feels like the end of a very sweet chapter! We've been seriously talking about me trying a church in the area, before we try taking all the little ones, and I guess this is my sign that now is as good a time as any...

After church, Andrew, Bethi, Tori and I pack lunches and head to Charlottesville to help Daddy with some projects. We finish up and head home at about 7 p.m., stopping at the store for a few groceries. I also fill my van, because living out here, I pretty much fill up whenever I actually pass a gas station, so I don't have to make a special trip out for it sometime after work, haha.

When we get home, we take turns doing showers, supper, and chores. I go through my nightly routine - feeding the birds, doing small jobs in the kitchen, cleaning eyeglasses, folding my laundry, and packing lunches for Daddy and I - then I go from my "back from Daddy's store" routine. Somehow or other, without planning it, I've developed a habit of showering, making myself some nachos, and watching sheep farming videos on youtube right after getting back from helping put out product. I may not have any chance of owning sheep in the foreseeable future, but they are satisfying and relaxing to me, and I think being around all the farming equipment puts me in the mood, haha. Tonight I enjoy a slice of chocolate fudge pie the girls made, too. It's a very nice end to my week! We do devotions, I tuck the little guys into bed, and head to bed myself - Monday starts another full week, that honestly I already feel a little bit behind in. But I'm looking forward to it!

And that's a week in my life :)! If you've been following along, I'd love to hear something your week held :).


Rejoicing in Christ,
Ambrielle