Forget Not His Benefits

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Saturday night, my Great-grandma Krouse passed away.

I was able to see her one last time two weeks ago while we were in South Carolina. She couldn't remember me, but we shared a moment that I will hold dear when, for one moment, I took down my mask just to share a smile with her, and she gave me the brightest smile back at the joy of it. I realized in that moment that a smile meant just as much to her as it ever has to me, and her's was a gift.

I remember attending church with her when I was little- specifically climbing the stairs to the door, though I don't know why that stood out so clearly. Going to the grocery store with her one morning, and either she needed sausages or I asked what they were, to this day I'm not sure, but I remember a conversation about them. Getting to sit at her kitchen table in the evening, playing with her lite brite and perler beads, as she and my mom had a conversation in the living room.

We got family photos done with her one time, and she read a book to Tori and I - skipping every other page because it was long and we were on a time crunch, but she didn't want to disappoint us. We caught her because she had trouble turning the pages one at a time, let alone two, and I chuckle about it to this day.

We saw her at the park a few years back, after she had moved to a nursing home near her children. She got to meet her newest great-grandchildren, and she and Grandma sat and sang some of the songs Grandma Krouse had sang to Grandma when she was a little girl.

But with these memories, I think the part that hurts the most is that, though we shared a middle name, I have very few memories we really shared together. And never have a chance to create another. It's like a homesickness for somewhere you've only visited.

This world is broken... full of pain and death and regrets.

Hopeless.

Hopeless, when not seen through God's eyes.

This world is not our home. This groaning creation finds hope in the redemption of Christ, and we ourselves find comfort in the knowledge that we need not be part of this pain forever, when we find wholeness with the Father, and our hope in His truth.

"And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." - Romans 8:23-25

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"This is not the end here at this grave

This is just a hole that someone made

Every hole was made to fill

And every heart can feel it still

Our nature hates a vacuum

This is not the hardest part of all

This is just the seed that has to fall

All our lives we till the ground

Until we lay our sorrows down

And watch the sky for rain

There is more

More than all this pain

More than all the falling down

And the getting up again

There is more

More than we can see

From our tiny vantage point

In this vast eternity."