Rainbows through the rain

My last "update" was January 22nd. I was working on so many ways to make use of the time, now that I'd come to terms with the fact that I wasn't where I had anticipated being. And I meant to come back to blogging. I had time, and topics I wanted to address, and I was dying to write.

And then, January 30th, my life took a turn I didn't see coming... and for the first time in months, it wasn't one that left me grieving.

We had a lot of snow January and February!

Most of you know that I volunteered with special needs church ministries for a few years. I also was a respite caregiver for some family friends who had a daughter with special needs. And some of you know that I was actually working towards becoming a licensed respite/caregiver for families with special needs kiddos.

I had my life "all figured out"... I got a job (made the decision to start looking, and ended up hired in a way that was obvious this was where God was sending me, for whatever reason, within 6 weeks of that decision, the first place I applied) to pay for a vehicle and my CNA training. I was going to take my classes in Greenville, where my mom's family lives. I was even offered a job as a hospice nurse (by a regular customer at CFA. He didn't know I was looking for another job, but thought I had "a caregiver's heart"), which would have given me the year's healthcare experience I needed before applying to the organization I was looking at. I could finally do what I've been passionate about doing since I was 16. It all would have come together late last summer/early last fall.

What I didn't figure into my plans was a move out of state... again. And one that dragged out for over a year. Late summer left my plans absolutely crushed, so many other loses and emotions hitting me, and the nagging consciousness, as my birthday approached, that I was still two years away from were I thought I'd be. Those few months were full of intense testing on every level for me.

Then, as I was checking up on a blog I've read for years... checking up for progress on the MACC... I just so happened to notice what hospital this family took their little girl to when she had an accident recently. Beautiful little Mary... I've talked about her to my family so many times before. I've followed quite a few adoption families over the years. Three of them especially have made a huge impact on me, and this family is one. I've been reading Julia's blog since they were bringing John home. I love his and Aaron's stories, but something about Mary... the story leading to her adoption, and the struggles they've had with her seizure disorder since they brought her home, and those big brown eyes. I've had a special place in my heart for this little girl I "knew" across the internet. Poor thing, with her now fractured jaw, that they had taken care of at... UVA?

UVA is our hospital.

"Don't get too excited," I told myself. "They could be 40 minutes away from UVA in the other direction, there is no guarantee Julia will be able to give me any guidance. But still... if there is any chance they live close enough to go there, it's just possible they know of some organizations in the area that I could apply to, since they are in that community with the three youngest kids." So I sent an email. I laid out how absolutely pathetic my "resume" was, literally every reason no one would want me. "But it's what I'm passionate about. Money isn't an issue, I'm even willing to volunteer, at least to begin with. I just need to know WHERE to begin, because this is what I feel I'm called to do."

Philip has grown so much since this picture
was taken, but he's still just as wonderful <3.

I figured, you know, she might message me back and tell me of a church that might do a respite event once a month like I volunteered at before. Or tell me yeah, what you're looking at is probably the best option, go for it. Maybe know someone who did something similar in the area I could talk to nd find out how they prepared.

Instead, Julia asked me to come to her house and meet her kids and talk to her. They live 15 minutes from me. I was going to get to *meet* Mary, and it sounded like I was going to get a real lead on what direction to take. We scheduled to meet on Saturday.

"So... helping people like our family. Is that the sort of thing you're looking at?", she asked, after introducing me to the children and their pets, and explaining their family needs and what she has had aides help her with over the past few years.

The amount of pictures of sleeping children on my
phone is insane, but look at my snuggle bug.

"It's EXACTLY what I'm looking for, but I haven't known where to find it", I answered, as Mary stuck stickers all over my face and my water bottle. "In fact, something like this is closer to what I've been looking for than anything I found in South Carolina."

"Then you don't need to get into an organization, come work for me! Can we start the paperwork now?" she asked me.

In that one question, so many of my own questions felt answered. Time and again it felt like there was a door I wasn't able to walk through because... well, now I know it was because I didn't need that door to get here. Those doors were never *closed*... I could have taken a part time job at Mt. Horeb. I could have gotten into hospice. I could have applied to BrightStar. But I didn't have peace with the compromises I would have had to make with other convictions ( or logistical life requirements at the time). The doors WERE open, but they were side doors... they weren't on my path, they were optional turns. And I don't think to have chosen them would have been *wrong*... but I was never confident it would be *right* *for me*. Here I was, and I knew now that I'd been led past those side doors to reach my door at the end on the hall, and I was suddenly only mere months, rather than years, behind "my timeline", but MILES ahead in what a perfect fit it was. Everything I had looked at in the past was, truthfully, a settle; as close as I could get to what I knew families needed. This was, in contrast, an answer to more prayers than I had felt it appropriate to ask! And that was only the beginning of this whirlwind that I've been on... but the rest will have to be saved for future posts :).

Rejoicing in Hope,

Ambrielle