The desires of your heart

While it was true that I felt like this job offer was exactly what I had been waiting for, I was also afraid to jump on it, mostly because I wanted to know I was thinking clearly and not just wanting things to work out - I was so nervous of being more of a pain than a help in the point I was at. It was an absolutely beautifully providential story of God's granting the desires He had planted, if it all worked out. It gave me goosebumps and tears to be watching it unfold! But to be perfectly honest, I still knew that I wasn't exactly the most seasoned in the field, and I didn't even have a vehicle yet - it had been put off because I didn't want to have to drive up to VA myself, and then again because my Dad was so busy at work, I didn't want to use his days off to ask him to help my car hunt, without it being a true need. Things were moving MUCH faster than I had anticipated when I first asked for suggestions on what steps to take.

Julia assured me she was willing to work with me in the beginning to make logistics come together. I would catch a ride to their house in the morning with Daddy on his way into work, and she or her Dad would drive me home in the afternoons. It wasn't ideal, but it was working while it needed to. So I filled out the paperwork, and I was officially taking care of the the little girl I'd been watching from afar for so long. It's so weird being in their house every week, because there are so many things I recognize around their home, and know about them from their blog, and yet at the same time, we are just getting to know each other. It makes me chuckle sometimes!

Julia also gave my contact to the school Mary attends. It's a small Christian school... *4 miles* from my house, on a little back loop road. She told me that the administrator was looking for help, I seemed like I'd fit the need, and it would be a nice supplement to what I would be making working with Mary, so that it could be a more sustainable arrangement if I needed more income. I was still willing to do volunteer work, but honestly, I've considered working as an assistant teacher before, so I was interested in checking it out. I came home and told Mama all this, and we were both just absolutely floored. We live way out in the middle of nowhere, and though it was the only house we could get and we are grateful to be in the same state again, the 1.5 hour round trip to work has been hard on my Dad, and we didn't know *why* it was the only house we could get. We'd asked so many times, "why do we have to live so far out here?" As soon as Mama heard how close everything was, and how everything was going to work out right away *because* of where I lived, instead of having to turn down something else or go through huge gymnastics, she said "that's it. This is why we live way out here. That makes me feel so much better!" God had a plan the whole time... of course he did, right? But sometimes it's so hard to keep in sight when he's working through the brokenness of the world.

I got a call from the administrator at the school a few days later. She told me she'd like me to come in and observe a bit, maybe help with P.E., and start paperwork the next day, if I was interested. Once again, I had to be perfectly honest. "I don't know if Julia let you know, but I have no way of getting there on a normal basis right now, until I get a car, but I am very interested when it works logistically."

"Oh, that's no problem!", she replied. "My kindergarten teacher lives right on your road, and she's super sweet, I KNOW she'd be happy to bring you in whenever needed. And if there is ever a day she can't, I have a family who lives on that road who goes here who would love to help, too." (We later learned this family - who has the sweetest little 1st grader- lives in the first house on the opposite side of the road, go figure.) "We'll figure that out, if you'll come help us!"

And that's what we did for almost two months. I would get a call from the school asking if I could substitute for someone, and I'd text Laci, "hey... can I ride in with you?" And she would, without fail, come pick me up with a cheerful, chatty demeanor. She is absolutely sweet, and it was a huge blessing, as things drug on and on finding a vehicle. She never complained - in fact, acted like it was a no-brainer and a pleasure. For someone like myself, who can't stand asking for things and tries to take the pressure OFF people, the easy-breezy way we just made it work, thanks to her attitude, was a huge blessing. Honestly, I looked forward to our chats on the way to and from work, haha! It was nice to so quickly feel like I was also making friends through this turn of events.

So, the next day, I went in to fill out my paperwork, and I ended up leading P.E. The next day I was called in last minute to fill for the first grade teacher. Thankfully, that is Mary's class, and Mary's school aide was a huge help in making sure things followed their normal schedule, which I'd NEVER observed before, hahaha! I called my aunt that evening, and we both just laughed so hard. Here I'd considered being a home caregiver, a school aide, and a sub teacher, at different points, and with one little Facebook message, I had become all three... and not only that, but I went from having NEVER been in a school (although I'll admit this church school is a far cry from a public school; it's weird how much teaching there is like what my mom has always done in our homeschool), to teaching classes within 24 hours! The irony is wonderful.

I've been subbing, helping with office work, and doing some special one-on-one reading proficiency classes with some of the kids since then. I came home laughing to my mom one day, because she loves to tell the story of how, the first time she held me, she just looked at me and thought "I'm going to have to teach her to read!", it was such a huge feeling of responsibility to her. Now here I am, helping teach half a dozen struggling kindergarteners to read!

I'm *loving* it. It's kind of odd, because it's so very unpredictable and came about so fast. I'm usually that person who wants to plan everything out, and usually overthinks things, far in advance. I've now got two part time jobs, and I can get a call from both of them at any time, often only an hour's notice, that I'm needed that day. Despite what you would think, it's worked out so well. I love the work, I love the kids. It's doing exactly what I've wanted to do for so long. The hours are nice, because no matter what, I get home early enough that I still have day left to do things with, something I was very desirous of, knowing how hard it was to keep up with anything other than work while at CFA. There is also an odd sort of relief that comes with NOT having a schedule. Knowing that if I *can't* come in one day, it's not causing any bigger issues for anyone than they'd already have without me, has actually made it a lot easy to say yes whenever I'm needed. It's like... you can take anything one day at a time. I had a lot of weird little health annoyances last year, and I'd told my mom, if I got anywhere close to as bad as I had been, I was going to cut back hours, say no sometimes if needed. But I actually feel like I'm really thriving with what I've got going on now, and I just love it. Being involved at home, helping with Mary, teaching at he school; I love being a part of it all!

Rejoicing in hope,

Ambrielle