Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Train Whistles and Nostalgia

Out of the whole month, this is the hardest day to make myself post. It's late, and I am tired. I have already tried to start a post and it crashed, while it's so late it's technically "tomorrow". I honestly don't even care that much tonight, but I know I will hate it tomorrow if I skip today, so, I am trying my best, no matter the reasons I have not to. I can't do thought out, well structured sentences tonight. I'm not even positive what I'm aiming towards right now, haha. I am feeling nostalgic this evening (autumn = nostalgic. Sleepy = nostalgic. Cold snappy weather = nostalgic. Sleepy and cold in autumn = ...oh, y'all can't even imagine XD).

Am I the only one who feels like there is a difference between sleepy and tired? I mean, sometimes they are the same thing, but usually, tired is "get me to bed before I lose my temper" and sleepy is "life is good but I need to wrap up in blankets for a minute to truly enjoy it". Or something like that? Being sleepy is more content than being tired. It's the perfect state of mind to be in to dream, or look back and process in full measure to get the most out of the moments we have lived.

I remember that when I was little, I once read in a book that a train whistle signaled adventure, and just the sound of it could tranport your mind to another place. As an 8 year old, I fell in love with that way of looking at it. I remember staying awake on purpose many nights, just to be able to hear the train near our house before I fell asleep.

It didn't do me much good... I have never been an adventurous person. When I was little I thought that was because I hadn't found that "place" that I wanted to go to, and so I couldn't imagine it in detail. I would find out where that special to me place was someday and have a whole imagined adventure to go with it. But as I have grown older, I have realized that the reason I never saw *myself* on an adventure when thinking on them when I would hear that train was because, I am just not a traveling, wanderlust sort of person. I like the known, the homelike, the familiar.

So why did I always stay awake for the train whistle, when it never really made me feel those adventurous visions that it might hold for others? I really think, in large part, it was because that *became* homelike and familiar to me, after it stuck in my mind for so long. The sound never really said adventure to me, though I always thought of that quote. It usually, in my mind, turned smoothly to dreams or memories. It was a gentle, steady, rythmic sound... it's a very nostalgic to me, though I'm sure I didn't know that word at that time. To this day, a train whistle reminds me to stop and muse a bit, though not about going to places I have never seen, only heard of. I am content where I am. I don't want to travel the world. I want to remain with the familiar, I don't want to say goodbye.

But I can still dream - or remember. And it's just one of those sorts of nights, so I believe I will!

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"May the Lord, the God of your fathers... bless you!" Deuteronomy 1:11