Sunday, October 7, 2018

Words of Simple Black and White

It's a quiet Sunday evening, and I really don't have a definite post plan to share today. My mind has been spinning all day; thinking about the sermon series on the raising of Lazarus that our Pastor has been holding at church; thinking about the best way to make up an order, and the best way to force myself not to do handwork for a couple days when I'm done; thinking about our old friends in VA, about stories and bends in the road.

It's been a day to just be on. Not do, not worry, not rush, not force, but just be, if that makes any sense to anyone's mind but my own.

I've enjoyed fellowship, and worship, and biblical teaching at church, crocheted, and written because I couldn't help myself. But right now I don't really feel like writing shareable words... they so often fall flat.

That's the thing about writing. I love it. I love words. I love thoughts and feelings. I love connecting through language.

But sometimes the written word just doesn't hold the tone that the spoken words would have.

And even worse, sometimes, once you put thoughts into words, they lose their beauty. Sometimes the composition in your head simple can't be rearranged into correct grammar without feeling broken.

"The words just cannot match internal rhyme;
When they go from mind to sight,
They lose their luster,
Stop their step.
Gone the gray between the shadows,
Gone the color framing light,
Suddenly arrested motion,
Now turns to simple black and white."

And so, though many of the things that played through my mind today will be shared on my blog and in my words or writings later on, right now, it's just a day to be on. There is time to share all these things later. Right now, I have little siblings around me who are eager to be loved on. To empty my drawer of old toys, to be read to and played with, who will sit with their chins in their hands, mimicking me, as long as I will let them stay, and turn my blog post writing into a chance to find out what all the letters say again. "Where is the X? What does that say?" Right now, words aren't as important. And that's okay.

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"May the Lord, the God of your fathers... bless you!" Deuteronomy 1:11